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I've been in a funk lately....

Sunday, January 20, 2008
This has been going on for a couple of weeks. I thought it was because I had a bug. But, the bug is pretty much over and I still feel just "blah." I think I've figured it out. I think it's because I don't really have anything important to do. I don't really have anything to keep my mind engaged and busy. Consequently, I have too much time to think about being sick. Except for doing stuff with/for the puppies and reading a bit and playing on the computer, everything else has to do with having PH. Don't get me wrong, I love having time to read, be on the computer and watching soap operas ("All My Children", Kathy). It's just that I'm not doing anything worthwhile. Working on the fundraiser was worthwhile (although that was ALL about having PH) but that is pretty much over. I miss doing important stuff. I miss teaching. I miss teaching a lot. Teaching was never a job to me. It was, as hokey as it sounds, it was my passion. I knew by the time I was in 2nd grade that I was going to be a teacher. Before I was diagnosed with PH in 2004, I had planned on teaching for at least 10 or even 15 more years. I was not even close to being "burned out." I miss it. I miss doing something really important. I miss making a difference in the lives of kids. I always felt like I was probably getting more out my day with the kids than they were getting from me. It was important, it was meaningful.

So, I've decided to try volunteering at my old school once a week. I'm going to spend about an hour a week working with first graders, one-on-one. I haven't done this before now for a couple of reasons. First, I haven't felt well enough to even think about volunteering. Second, whenever I went up to school before to visit, it was really, really tough on me, emotionally. Third, I only thought about going up to school to volunteer by reading a book to a classroom. Kids always loved it when I read a book because I'd really get into it with different voices and such. I knew I couldn't read a book like I use to because I just don't have the energy or enough air to do it the "right" way. Plus, I thought the noise from my Inogen (my oxygen concentrator that I use when I leave the house...it makes a puffing noise when I inhale) would be distracting. Well, I had breakfast with my friend Mary a couple of weeks ago and she suggested that I could just do some one-on-one kind of tutoring with some kids. I could sit down, it would be low-key. Plus, she says, the kids would get use to the noise after a while. So, I figured this might be a really good way to get out of this funk. Keep your fingers crossed that it helps. I'm going to start this Thursday morning.

Well, that's about it for this entry. Rod and I are watching the Giants vs. the Packers football game. Rod's Dad was a HUGE Packers fan. We had really wanted to get him in to watch a game in person. But, with his failing health and Lambeau field being an outdoor stadium and Wisconsin being a COLD place to visit, it just never worked out. My guess is that he's watching the game tonight and has much better seats than he ever would have had in the stadium.:)

Thanks for reading.

7 comments to I've been in a funk lately....:

Kathy Torres said...

That is great you figured it out- I know I will really have a hard time when I retire! If you want to do MORE volunteering you would sure be welcome in kindergaten at Cottonwood!

Kristi said...

I know what you mean about missing teaching. I wasn't a classroom teacher but I was a para-educator.(teachers aide)I worked with the special-ed students. However, people can say whatever they like, I taught them, therefore, I was a teacher. I miss it and reading your entry reminded me of how much I really do miss it. I tried voluntering at Briana's school last year for the first and second grade. I couldn't keep up. I had to stop. That also reminded me why I am disabled. Goodluck to you and add a little extra voices to your reading for me. Have fun. I envy you.

Colleen said...

I hope the volunteering goes well for you, Annette! I, too, miss teaching alot, and I only got to do it for almost 3 years. I've thought about maybe volunteering in a school, but honestly, I'm so afraid of getting sick from the lovely germies that kids carry. I know that is part of what brought me down the last year I was teaching. Not to mention the PH! But it sounds like something you need to do, so I will certainly pray that it'll be good for you! Have you also thought about maybe tutoring?
Colleen :)

Jen said...

Sorry you are in this "funk", Honey!! I hope this works out for you. It sounds good and probably would help.I was not in teaching but nursing and I so miss the people every day.
Hang in there and let us know how it goes. I understand where you are coming from.
Hugs my Phriend,

Di said...

As I was reading your blog I was thinking about you being a tutor. I think this is a wonderful idea. I know many moms would also be happy to bring children to your home to have you work with their child. You have a way of making people feel so comfortable. Those little ones will be putty in your hands and their little heads will swell just having the chance to work with someone like YOU.
Anxious to hear how it works out.
hugs, di

Kathy said...

Boy can I relate here...I taught middle school and I really miss it...even though the kids drove me nuts most of the time, some were really cute and funny and I actually looked forward to seeing them...I miss my friends too...I had a great group of teachers that I developed friendships with and I miss that commeraderie so much...now, I talk to no one all day...I sit at home, like so many of us, and I try to pass the time. It is difficult and can be lonely. I have a scooter and soon will be getting a lift installed so I can take the scooter out myself...now, Brian does it for me...once I get the lift, I can go places alone...maybe I will start volunteering as well...at my daughter's school. I miss having something to do that means something to ME! My husband is on the radio and he goes to school...he has so much going on in his life that I have no part of...I want to have something in my life that is all for me as well...good luck with the tutoring and let us know how it goes...I used to watch All My Children in college...maybe I will start again. Is Tad still there?

Sue "T" said...

I was not a teacher, so I don't know what it was like. BUT, I have heard you speak of teaching with such passion and love and I can only imagine how much you miss it.
That truly is CRAP that people lost their professions because of PH and I am sorry that it happened to you also.
But, I am thrilled that you will be volunteering and its Thursday night right now and I hope that your morning went wonderfully. I think that is going to make you feel like your foot is in the door and you will have connection with the children.
You are a kind and compassionate lady my dear phriend and I wish all the best to you with your volunteering.
Much love and many hugs and blessings,
Sue :-)